A Place Called Home
by thatiranianphantom
Summary: I'd rather walk a winding road, rather know the things I know...oneshots chroniclling the Buffy/Giles relationship from Season 1.
1. 1996

**A/N: I admit, I love the Buffy/Giles relationship. Not anything romantic, but the sweet father/daughter bond they have. I've wanted to write something for them for awhile, then I heard this song when I was watching clips of Angel . This is going to be a series of oneshots, not sure how far I'll extend it. Little factoid: did you know every time someone reviews, a vampire combusts on the spot? Totally factual. Really. Help keep the population of vampires low, and R&R. Thanks!**

_Well, it's not hard to see  
Anyone who looks at me  
Knows I am just a rolling stone  
Never landing anyplace to call my own  
To call my own_

_1996_

I must admit, the first time I met the girl who was to be my charge, I had my doubts. She walked casually into the library, all fancy clothes and unintelligible language. To be perfectly honest, she seemed like just another one of the shallow teenage girls I found so frequently among Sunnydale High.

She didn't take to my trying to teach her well. She interrupted with sarcastic retorts every time I tried to teach her the ways of a slayer. She fought back against her destiny. I was hard pressed to get through to her. I will admit, I debated requesting reassignment, but the prestige among the Watcher's community that came from training, conditioning, mentoring a slayer, it was not to be rivaled. Should I fail, I was a disgrace to the Watcher's community.

So I perservered. I gave a sincere effort to find out about Buffy's situation. She lived comfortably with her mother, Joyce. The first time I witnessed their interaction, I was very pleasantly surprised. Joyce was a caring and attentive mother. She and her daughter had a bond unlike any I'd seen. The first time I stood silently by, studying their interaction, I felt a small flare of jealousy I couldn't quite explain.

That night, I went home to my empty apartment, made myself a cup of Bovril and settled on the sofa with a good book. However, after thirty minutes, I set it down in frustration. I could feel the silence of my flat. It had never felt so empty before.

Months later, I stumbled on the prophecy that spelled Buffy's imminent death at the hands of the Master. Alarm and horror didn't even come close to describing the whirlwind of emotion that overtook me in that one horrid moment. An incredible protectiveness I'd never experienced before came over me. Buffy was a perfectly capable fighter, I knew. All the lessons I'd thought had not taken, I saw reflected with a vengeance in her. And when she added a bit of her own flair to the match, I found myself smiling with pride. Still, I wanted to shelter her from everything that could possibly touch her. I lay awake for long nights dreaming of every possible scenario that would culminate in the defeat of the Master, however pointless I knew it was.

The night she killed him was one of the proudest moments of my life.

"You're so pumped about hell?" she growled, her voice pure fury. "_Go there_."

In that moment, I knew not resigning from my post was the smartest decision of my life. Nothing could have prepared us for the years to come, but we were a family. I was part of a family.


	2. 1998

**A/N: Thanks for the faves and reviews! This story is one of VERY few that is prewritten, but more reviews do mean faster updates! Enjoy!**

_Well, it seems like so long ago_

_But it really ain't, you know_

_I started out a crazy kid_

_Miracle I made it through the things I did_

_The things I did_

1998

I know how people saw me. Stodgy British watcher, conservative workaholic. And truth be told, in 1998 that was not an assumption, merely a fact. I had become an expert at hiding my adolescence, those troubled years that I was so ashamed of now. Thinking back on those times, that I evolved past my indescretions is quite stunning. Inevitably, the pieces of my youth leaked out, though. The episode with the band candy certainly put an awkward strain on my and Joyce's interaction.

The real issue as I saw it, that year, however, had been a tearing of allegiances. I was a Watcher. It pulled me out of my darkest times, however unable I may have been to see it at the time. It gave me purpose in my life, propelled me among an elite folk in London. I was awarded a slayer, for God's sake. I was a respected Watcher, and the Council had been good to me. Pre-Sunnydale, my occupation was all that existed. I could never imagine his life holding anything else. Family? I didn't need them. Friends? They would never understand. Romantic entanglements? It would only serve to distract me from my duty.

So when the Council told me what I was to do, I knew it was not up for debate. I was a Watcher. Buffy was a resourceful, smart, capable girl. I was simply the mean of a much larger entity. And after all, it was a controlled environment. Surely they would not send her into a situation they knew they could she could not handle.

Yes, those were the empty words I told myself to make it through this experience. It will not affect mine and Buffy's relationship. The firm bond we have built will, _must_ endure. The trouble was, empty words were all they were. I was commiting betrayal, and skirting around the fact would not banish it. I was, in essence, stripping this child of everything that protected her and sending her into the most dangerous of situations. And I was doing it of my own volition. She trusted me to prepare her, trusted me to keep her safe, and I felt like the lowest form of humanity for doing this to her. Her quiet, terrified words still ring in my head.

"You stuck a needle in me. You _poisoned_ me!"

"All this time, you saw what it was doing to me."

"Touch me, and I'll kill you."

And I had been so sure, so _sure_, that if I could just get her through this, the council would leave and all could return to normal. Then that animal Klarik escaped, and the danger surrounding my girl became darker than ever before.

It had surprised me to know just how clear my loyalties were. I recall shoving Travers against the door.

"_This is not business!"_

In that moment, the council had lost its magic for me. If they were willing to send a young girl into a death trap, my young girl, what the hell did I owe them? They were to leave and never come back, but the damage had already been done.

I wondered for years after if Buffy and I had the same level of trust that we did before Klarik. I chose to take graduation day as an indication that she had forgiven me, but even if she was not appalled at my actions, I was appalled at my own.


End file.
